IF only.....biggest mistake........

I can't help it I need to put another entry on this. I was reminded of a Philippine movie which was starred by Jolina Magdangal and Marvin Augustin (corny sa?) ah pasagdi ra ko.... hehehhe there was a line that struck me in that movie... "i'm so stupid of falling in love with my bestfriend" BANG! bull's eye.... was it a mistake? let's see...

I guess there's an advantage and disadvantage. Personally (basing on my current emotional status) I was able to realized it was a mistake, it's too late para magmahay, what's done has been done, I can't turn back time. All I'm feeling now is loneliness, and avoidance, I don't know how else am I going to describe all the other emotions :(( If only we didn't hurry, if only, oh jeeez.... I know it's wrong but we weren't able to control it. To be honest, I'm not sure of my feelings towards him, and I don't feel it from him either, it's probably because we're both lonely that triggers us to make such a move. I'm afraid to say words.... all I just wanted from him is assurance that he loves me, I don't feel it, and saying just a very simple "i love you" is a very hard thing for him to do, just to text me at least once a day seems like an agony to him. (well, i cnt blame myself bcoz i dnt feel it esp nw dat he's afar) I guess I'm jealous.

We could've started the relationship like normal lover's do. I mean... I think it was so soon for us. I don't feel secure in his heart. The seldom "i love you's" I'm getting, I don't feel sincerity in it, plus the fact that he always does it like "lv u bok..." only hmp, I don't like that! there's no "i" in it and it's so short! hahahy, I'm so mababaw :) funny but I don't know why I 'm feeling that way nowadays, I'm so insecure, I'm not like this with my past relationships, tuloy he always asks me " naunsa namn ka bok?" feeling nako he's so insensitive, it's so obvious in my messages that I'm feeling bad towards him but he doesn't console me. argh, grrrrrr, kainis jud as in! feel nako ngita lang xa ug bikil... waaaahhh dr. love help me!!!

"How did I love someon who don't seem to make things worth at all? Why do I become so numb caring for someone whom at times don't even think of me in a day or two? Why do I let myself hurt and continue hoping for a love that makes me defenseless? And why do I prioritize him who only choose me as an options?"